| It's difficult to fight a battle of the wits with the unarmed. | |
| -Mr. Baldwin | |
| "Fun? Vile things! Your idea of fun is molesting dogs and
children!" "What's wrong with that?" "How'd he find out about the dogs?" | |
| -The Force of Buddha's Palm | |
| If conceit were manure you'd have to shovel your way through life. | |
| -The Force of Buddha's Palm | |
| "You dare inult me?!" "Sure, why not?" | |
| -The Force of Buddha's Palm | |
| "Thou art a villain!" "You are- a senator." | |
| -William Shakespeare | |
| "Why, tis good to be sad and say nothing." "Why then, tis good to be a post." | |
| -William Shakespeare | |
| Once, when he could not give the date of the Battle of Buena Vista, an event of the Mexican War, the professor asked him good-naturedly what eh would do at the dinner table were he asked the same question. He retorted indignantly, "Do? Why I should refuse to associate with people who could talk of such things at dinner." | |
| -Alfred Werner, on Whistler | |
| When greeted in London by a fellow American who informed him that he, too,k had been born in Lowell, Massachusetts, the artist superciliously adgusted his monocle and remarked in a penetrating voice, "I do not choose to be born at Lowell." | |
| -Alfred Werner, on Whistler | |
| (Upon meeting a younger woman at a door and the girl motioning her through with the words "Age before beauty," Dorothy Parker swept through the door, replying sweetly, "Pearls before swine." | |
| "If you were my husband I would poison your wine." "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it." | |
| (Lady Astor & Winston Churchill) | |
| "Sir, you are drunk." " "Madame, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober." |
|
| -Lady Astor & Winston Churchill | |